Tara... Text tau...
Mula kay Chico.
03.12.2008
1. Husband: “Luv promise, simula ngayon iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.” Wife: “Wow, thank you luv! Ako naman I promise, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama!”
2. “Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn’t need it, and the one who dislikes you won’t believe it, & the one who doesn’t care about you won’t care what you say.”
3. “Nanonood ako ng mga ants na naglalakad sa wall. Kahit busy sila, they still stop and communicate. Sana tayo ring mga tao, we could be more like the ants - naglalakad sa walls!”
4. Dumating yung ngongo sa bahay nila at tinakpan niya ang mata ng misis nya. Ngongo: “Nges oo?” Wife: “Buwisit ‘to, ‘nges oo, nges oo’ ka pa diyan, eh ikaw lang naman ang ngongo dito!”
5. “Dear GOD, please don’t lead me into temptation…I already know the way”
6. A playboy died. During the mass: Priest: “He’s an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!” Wife: (whispered to her son) “Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol.”
7. 4 job applicants were asked: “What is the fastest thing in the world?” The German said, “Thought”. The American said, “A blink of an eye”. The Aussie said, “Light”. The Pinoy said, “Diarrhea!” Pinoy: “Lit mi eksplin. Dis murning, I hab istumak ek, I run to di tuylet but bipor I kud tink, blenk, or eben swits on di lyt, tangna, der was syet en my pants olridi, su past!”
8. 1) “Aanhin mo ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa ‘yo?” 2) “Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare.” 3) “Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon.” 4) “Matalino man ang bading, napeperahan pa rin.” 5) “Ang di marun0ng magmahal sa sariling wika, sa callcenter naglipana.”
9. “Virginity is neither a sign of purity nor dignity. It’s a sign of a lack of opportunity.”
10. BATA: “Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat nalang ng gawin ko mali! Di nyo na ako mahal!” AMA: “Nagkakamali ka anak…” BATA: “Syet, mali nanaman ako!”
11. Woman with sick baby went to the clinic. Doctor: “Is he bottlefed?” Woman: “Breastfed po, doc.” (Doctor starts squeezing the woman’s nipples) Doctor: “That’s why he’s sick, you’re not producing milk.” Woman : “Yaya lang ako, doc! YAYA!”
12. Celebrity quote: “Noodle! Noodle! NOODLE!!!” - Manny Pacquiao on “Deal or No Deal”.
13. DOC: “Hubad na iha, wag kang matakot. I will not take advantage of you, general check-up lang ‘to.” GIRL: “Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty ko?” DOC: “Diyan lang sa tabi ng brief ko…”
14. News Flash: “Snow White, thrown out of Disneyland! She pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinocchio’s face and shouted, ‘Lie, you bastard, lie!’”
15. If asked, “Kumusta sexlife?” Ang tamang sagot, “Eto, self-supporting.”
16. “Sana radyo ka nalang, para pag naririnig kitang kumanta, puwede kitang patayin.”
17. From a gay admirer: “Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs, and the cucumber in between.”
18. “Beauty is only superfical. It’s the character that makes a pers0n who they really are” - motto yan ng mga PANGET!
19. In a coffee shop, an attractive lady was having a drink. A guy walked up to her & said: “Bond…James Bond.” She looked up & answered: “Lost…Get Lost.”
20. “Whenever you are stressed and about to give up, remember: ’stressed’ is just ‘desserts’ spelled backwards - so it’s just a piece of cake!”
21. TITSER: “Who can give an example of a tag question?” PUPIL: “My teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?” TITSER: “Very good! Itagalog mo nga!” PUPIL: “Si ma’am ay maganda, hindi naman diba?”
22. “Ang boses mo, parang ibon. Ang sarap tiradurin!”
23. “Math tells us 3 of the saddest love stories. Tangent lines who had 1 chance to meet and then parted forever. Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. And asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.”
24. Pinaka common mistake ng isang girl during a job interview ay ang pagsagot ng… “KAHIT ANUNG POSISYON PO SIR, BASTA MAKAPASOK LANG.”
25. MMDA (w/ pen & ticket) to traffic violator: “Name?” Foreign Driver: “Wilhelm von Corgrinski Papakovitz.” MMDA: Ah…sige…next time don’t overspeeding again, ha?”
26. “Tandaan mo anak ang batang sinungaling ay di na tatangkad, uusli ang ipin, liliit ang binti at tutubuan ng nunal sa mukha.” - Diosdado Macapagal
27. “Wouldn’t it be cool and make more sense if the life cycle was all backwards? You should die 1st and get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get a silver watch and you go to work. You work 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do booze, sex, you party, then you get ready for high school. You go to grade school. You become a kid, you play, you have no worries. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating. And you finish off as an orgasm.”
28. “Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you already have.”
29. “Rooster and cat goes over a bridge. Cat slips and falls in the river. Rooster can’t stop laughing. The moral of the story: wherever there’s a wet pussy, there’s a happy cock.”
Posted by krazysoul 07:04 Archived in Philippines Tagged gay_travel Comments (0)
